The Forgotten Path (Teach me Humility)
by kouklitsa
Summary: How Kid and Lou got back together was never very clear in season 3; this plot gap has always bothered me to no end... 10 years ago I started a the middle of that story when I got stuck. Now it's all coming together. The story of how Kid and Lou got back together, set just after 'Like Old Times'. (Caution, it's an unbeta-'ed WIP & just had a title change!)
1. Chapter 1

Lou stared at her boots; a particularly worn spot of leather reminded her she would soon need new ones. She sighed but very much welcomed the random thought. It was a brief reprieve from the fretting over her feelings for the Kid; her emotions had escalated to new levels in the last few days and she struggled with the exact reason why.

She had been in a good place with him recently. They had slowly but surely started to find each other again, at a much more comfortable pace than when they were together. While there hadn't been talk about officially getting back together, the Kid had told her in that letter how he felt about her. His very carefully chosen words told her how much he still cared when they were dealing with the Pike situation and they had left her behind. He had been there to comfort and support her when she needed it, but no longer smothered her like when they were together.

Only now Doritha was in the picture too, and just like that everything changed. Kid spent nearly all his free time with her and when he wasn't away doing whatever with her he would come home reclusive and distant. What is more, the whole situation made Lou hate who she had become around him. She was not one to nag, push or be emotionally needy yet this was exactly what she had become since Doritha had come into their lives. '*His* life', she admonished internally.

As she sat on the bench in front of the bunkhouse, on the lookout for trouble together with Buck stood on the other side of the porch, Lou's thoughts went into overdrive. Kid had plenty of female interest and it had never bothered her before – save Samantha– so what was it about Doritha that riled her so much?

When the door to the bunkhouse opened, her thoughts were abruptly interrupted. Doritha stepped out, and Lou instinctively turned her head and briefly look at her. The way she held her hands neatly folded in front of her bristled Lou. It was so dainty, so proper, so….feminine.

"Can we talk? Doritha asked.

"Sure" Lou tried to come across uninterested and wouldn't look up or moving a muscle.

"Alone."

Lou sighed and got up and faced Doritha, folding her arms in front of her chest. "Buck," She called out his name, the tone of her voice making it clear she asked to give them privacy.

Buck turned on his heels and heads out to the side of the bunkhouse. Doritha took a few steps closer to Lou.

"Mind if I ask you a question? It's kind of personal."

Unsure where this conversation headed Lou decided it was best to stay quiet. She looked Doritha straight in the eyes and waited for her to continue.

Doritha cocked her head a little, "I know how you and the Kid feel about each other. Why aren't you…?"

"Together?" Lou finished the sentence for her. "We tried it once, time wasn't right I guess."

Doritha nodded and slightly pursed her lips. "There was a time I would have given anything for him to belong to me"

The admission felt far too intimate to Lou. She stared back without blinking, her gut churning uncomfortably and mind reeling with a flurry of thoughts and emotions. Lou found herself wishing this conversation would be over, she didn't want to hear how Doritha felt – not then and not now. Nevertheless, it was clear the blond-haired woman with the dainty hairdo had not yet made her point - she paused for a moment - as if to think of the right words to use for wat she wanted to say next.

"Just tell me one thing; does he know how lucky he is having you for a friend?"

Lou had stopped breathing for a moment; not prepared for the feelings that came with being called Kid's friend by her direct competition. Lou realised she didn't want to be the Kid's friend, not primarily anyway. An avalanche of emotions, carefully ignored over the last months and buried deeply inside came rushing to the surface. More than anything in the world Lou wanted to know that Kid was hers and hers alone; she wanted – no, NEEDED - to get back together.

"You be good to him, Louise," Doritha's voice sounded strained as she made her way back inside.

Lou sat down, her stomach full of fluttering butterflies and she felt the need to clutch her sides to calm herself down. It was hard to hate Doritha, especially after this. While Lou struggled through most of this conversation, it had nothing to do with Kid's childhood friend. Doritha had been nothing but gracious, nice and caring.

Her mind made up just like that; all she could think of was reconnecting with the Kid. But she realised that getting together would require something she had been avoiding for a while now. They would have to work through their issues, and Lou had no idea how to go about any of that. Fully engrossed in her thoughts she nearly missed Kid returning to the bunkhouse.

"Any luck?" She asked, already knowing the answer by the look on his face.

Kid held up his hands a little and gave her a brief shake of his head before reaching out to open the door. Just before he steps in Lou called out to him.

"Kid?... I can see why you loved her."

Lou looked down, afraid to meet his eyes. This situation was hard enough for him without her throwing oil on the fire, but she wanted to let him know she could see through his eyes, no matter how difficult it the situation. It was a good enough a place to start, she figured.


	2. Chapter 2

"I had a feeling I would find you here. You did everything you could, Kid." Lou walked up and sat herself slightly behind him, on a fallen log by the pond.

"Yeah, I know. Don't tell me. Can't save people from themselves."

"It's true." She leant her elbows onto her knees and looked sideways at him. He could feel her eyes on him.

"I don't know, Lou…" He struggled to find words and found himself taking in a staggering breath before he could go on. "I never felt…,' He paused. 'So alone before. Even after Jed died.'

Kid stared into the distance, trying to keep the memories at bay. He could feel Lou moving swiftly from the log they were perched on and came to stand before him.

"You ain't alone, Kid. You got Teaspoon, and… and the boys and Rachel."

Lou paused and Kid nodded solemnly. She was right; he had a new life now but his past kept kept catching up with him, leaving painful scars every time.

"And I ain't going anywhere". Lou shook her head slightly.

Kid looked up, with a look to make sure he had heard her right. His eyes searched hers for confirmation and Lou flashed the smallest of smiles a back at him. Kid felt his whole face light up and his stomach summersaulted when she stretched out a hand to him. Instinctively he reached for her hand and folded his fingers around the palm of her hand.

In the next few moments nothing else seemed to exist, there was just Lou – her beautiful brown eyes locked with his and the warmth of her hand radiating through his skin. It was a marvellous feeling, like dark clouds breaking open to flood in rays of sunlight. He wanted to say something but was at a complete loss for words when her shoulders became tense and she broke eye contact.

"Ehm… I better go tell the boys and Rachel you're okay." Lou's grip on his hand slacked, then she let go.

Kid quickly went back to passing his hat in circles between his hands and gave her an affirmative nod. "Please tell Rachel I'll be back in time for supper."

Lou nodded in return and started to back away. Just as she turned to head back where she'd left Lightning waiting for her she stopped, glanced over her shoulder and cast him one last look.

"I'm alright, I promise," Kid flashed her half a smile. "Bunk house is just too crowded for me right now 's all."

Lou gently clapped her hands on her sides, as he knew she tended to do when there was nothing else to say and Kid mentally kicked himself. She had sought him out to make sure he was ok and then there was a moment; that special moment he had been hoping and praying would finally happen. He was not ready to let it pass. Scrambling to find something, anything to say to keep her here longer he jumped up from the log and called out her name.

"Lou…!" His hand holding his hat stretched out to her, as if to bridge the distance between them. "I…Thanks. It means… I mean…Thanks."

Lou stopped in her tracks and turned her head so he could see her beautiful profile. A slight smile tugged at her lips and his heart skipped a beat.

"You'd do the same for me if it were me where you are now".

Lou said it like a statement, there was not a hint of question. Kid's breath faltered a bit, his mind feverishly working on the right response to make this moment last just that little bit longer.

"Always" He heard himself say, his voice laced thick with raw emotion.

Lou looked down and quickly jogged out of his sight. Kid slowly lowered himself back down onto the log and ran his fingers through his hair. What had just happened was everything he had hoped for, the start of a new beginning. Then doubt started to creep in. He was emotional, grieving over another death of someone linked to his past. Had he made more of this encounter than he should have? Exhaling a deep breath Kid dropped his hat to the floor and held his head in his hands. Even if there was the slimmest of chances Lou was ready to open up to him again, he knew he would have to change. Else, they wouldn't stand a chance. He would have to take a long, hard look at himself and really see who he had become. If he had been a different man, maybe Doritha would still be alive today. Perhaps he and Lou would not have broken up at all.

Then, an old memory sparked within him and Kid knew what he had to do.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning the Kid waited untill everyone went about their chores before digging into his belongings. It didn't take long to find what he was looking for. Hidden in an envelope in his bible was a little piece of paper, he reached for it and took a seat at the table.

He stared at the worn piece of paper. Not able to remember when he last looked at it, let alone remember when he gave the words written on it any serious thought, Kid shook his head. The events leading to Doritha's death the day before had urged him to call upon the little possessions he owned. It was time to start what he promised his mother to do, just before she passed away.

Unfolding the piece of paper, the childish handwriting immediately brought back a memory he concealed in the far corners of his mind. He smiled, despite himself, hearing his mother's voice scold him to kingdom come for what he had done. Shameful, she called it, something she expected of his brother but never from him.

"What's that?" Lou appeared out of nowhere, leaning over his right shoulder.

Kid looked up at her and moved the piece of paper close to his chest. He hadn't heard Lou come in, she had startled him. He looked down and dug a thumb in a dent in the table, quickly deciding if he was ready to let her in on this.

"Somethin' my mother asked me to finish but I never got round to startin'." Kid carefully folded the piece of paper together again.

"What is it?" Lou gently sat down next to him.

Kid stared into the distance. "The last punishment she gave me before she died. Today it's been seven years since she passed away. After Doritha's funeral, I decided to take a long, hard look at myself to see if I liked what I've become and it got me thinkin'."

"That sounds pretty serious…" Lou placed her hands on the table.

"She wanted to teach me humility, make sure I understood the importance of being humble. That I ain't better than anyone else." Kid carefully fingered the delicate paper in remembrance.

"What did you do that got you into trouble?"

"Ain't important what happened," Kid shook his head. "What's important is that I'm afraid I haven't changed much since then. My mother had good reason for bein' so angry with me and if she were alive today to see what I've become, I think she'd be sorely disappointed."

"You know that ain't true, I know first-hand you've come a long way from when you first came here to who you are now." Lou reached for his hand and squeezed it gently.

Her touch made him smile unwillingly and he shrugged. Then, a thought crossed his mind and before he could help himself, the words just came tumbling out of his mouth.

"It's important for me to do this and I... I'd like you to help me finish it."

"Alright," Lou folded her hands back together and nodded. "Just tell me what you need me to do."

Shocked and pleased at the same time she needed no time at all to think this over he turned to face her.

"There are six bible extracts my mother made me write down to teach me humility. The punishment was to follow them to the letter." Kid handed her the piece of paper. "I'd like you to make sure I do, and do it right."

Lou scanned the worn piece of paper before reading the sentences aloud.

 _Acknowledge your sin to others. (James 3:2, James 5:16)_

 _Take wrong patiently. (1 Peter 3:8-17)_

 _Receive correction and feedback from others graciously. (Proverbs 10:17, 12:1)_

 _Be quick to forgive. (Matthew 18: 21-35)_

 _Cultivate a grateful heart. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)_

 _Purpose to speak well of others. (Ephesians 4:31-32)_

"Kid, I don't think this is really necessary," Lou glanced sideways and rested her hands holding the paper in her lap. "I'm sure we can think of examples of where you already followed each one of them to the letter."

Taking back the paper, Kid pointed at the first one on the list. "I ain't too big about tellin' people about the mistakes I made."

Lou blushed and cast her eyes down. "But you did, when you and I were still together and you thought what we were doin' was 'proper-like'? You talked to Teaspoon and Rachel about it."

"You were mad as hell when you found out." Kid chuckled and nervously ran his hand through his hair. "I wouldn't be surprised if you still are."

"Hmm," Lou nodded slowly. "You weren't the only one that did things you probably shouldn't have. I gave you a hard time about it, probably more than you deserved."

Kid shrugged. "I did deserve it. You had, and still have, every right to be angry with me. If anyone back then would've told me I'd be sittin' here with you, as friends, I wouldn't have believed them."

"Why?"

"Because I never thought I'd be able to be that way, with someone I... was close to. I thought it'd be too hard." he plucked at his trousers.

"I guess it turned out not to be as hard you thought it would be."

Kid met her eyes. "I consider myself lucky and grateful that it wasn't."

"Sounds to me like you can cross the fifth one off the list." Lou smiled awkwardly, her voice sounding somewhat strained.

For fleeting moment Lou seemed disappointed, or even sad. But at the blink of an eye he suddenly found her smiling brightly at him which left him wondering if his mind was playing tricks on him. Scared that he said something she wasn't ready to hear yet and even more scared about where this conversation potentially was headed, Kid folded the paper back together and tucked into his pocket.

"I'm sorry."

Lou looked confused "What for?"

"I shouldn't have asked you to help me with this, it wasn't fair of me considerin'... you and I..." Kid got up from his seat and started to put back the letter in the envelope where it belonged.

"I was the one to bring our history up in the first place," Lou frowned. "I should be the one doin' the apologisin'."

"No," Kid shook his head. "I'm glad you did. We never really took the time to talk."

Lou chuckled remorsefully and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, we did a lot of other things, but talkin' sure wasn't one of them."

"I meant since you and I...," he made a funny hand gesture. "Been broken up."

"Oh."

Kid sighed and rubbed his face. "I shouldn't have said anythin'."

"You just caught me off guard, 's all." Lou straightened herself. "But I guess you're right, even though I think we had good reason not to."

Sitting back down next to her, he gave her an expectant look.

"Some things are just better left unsaid, I bet you and I wouldn't be sittin' here if we'd have tried to talk about our past together...or anythin' that happened 'till now. You wouldn't like some of the things I'd have to say and that goes the same the other way around."

"You mean things like me movin' you into Rachel's house?"

Lou chuckled. "I'm pretty sure I made it loud and clear how I felt about _that_."

"I was stupid for thinkin' you'd like it." he sighed as he rubbed his hands together.

"That one sure ranks pretty high up the list."

He raised an eyebrow. "There's a list?"

Lou nervously wet her lips, averted her eyes from him and shrugged. "No. Maybe. Yes."

Somewhat shocked at her admission, Kid stared at her for a moment as he tried to figure out how he felt about the fact she kept a list of all the stupid things he'd done. To his own surprise he found his curiosity won from his pride by a landslide.

"So, what made it to the top of the list?"

Shaking her head, Lou's cheeks turned pink. "Kid, don't. Just forget I mentioned it."

"Was it somethin' I did when you and I were still together?"

"We ain't havin' this conversation, I said drop it and I mean it."

He paused for a moment, knowing he was going to pushing his luck. "Lou, I just want to know wh-"

Lou shot up from where she was seated, ready to make a run for it.

"Lou! Wait!" he called out to her.

She came to a halt and whirled around to face him. The hard look on her face was testimony that he once again pushed her too far.

"Fine!" she tightly wrapped her arms around her waist. "It's what you said about us when you were all love-sick over Samantha. I overheard you talkin' to the boys before I left for my run. There, now you know!"

Shame washed over him as he remembered the look on Lou's face as he excited the bunkhouse after waving his relationship with Lou off as if it meant nothing to him. He never once stopped to think she might have heard what he said back then or even considered what else she might have heard regarding Samantha.

"I..I didn't mean what I said". His voice was barely a whisper.

"I don't matter if you meant it or not, it sure sounded that way to me," Lou closed her eyes and exhaled exasperatedly. "Look, I told you some things are best left unsaid 'cause they're painful to hear and even more painful to say. We're friends now, why ruin that by diggin' up the past?"

"Really? _Are_ we friends, or just bein friendly?" it came out sharper then Kid intended.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

He rose to his feet and placed his hands on his hips, tensely gnawing on his lower lip. He wasn't sure which was worse; fumbling to find the right words when they were together or not being able to say what he wanted to, now that they were not.

"Damn it," he cursed under his breath. "Why is talkin' so hard for us?"

Lou blinked a few times. "Were talkin' just fine."

"That ain't what I mean, and you know it."

Lou exhaled exasperatedly. "I know what you mean, Kid. I just don't want to talk about it. Not with you."

"Why not?"

"Because it'll be hurtful and embarrassing and I don't know if I'd be able to look you in the eye again if we go diggin' up the past."

"Was it that bad between us?"

"No!" Lou threw her hands up in despair. "But we had problems, Kid."

"I just want us to be able to talk, 's all. Not have to worry 'bout what we think we can or can't say around each other anymore." He unconsciously took a few steps closer to her.

"You think sayin' the things we've been keepin' from each other 'll make it all better?! Make the fact we ain't together anymore easier to deal with?"

"Maybe."

Lou's eyes flared with anger as she met his dead on. "Well, I ain't gonna be the one to give you another reason to think even less of me then you already do!" she pointed a finger at him.

Her reaction surprised him, to say the least. Genuinely troubled, he ran his hands through his hair.

"Just say it, Kid," she challenged. "I know you're thinkin' it, now go ahead and say it. _You_ weren't the one that broke it off, _I_ was. It's the perfect excuse, ain't it?!"

Her words stung like a bee. "You had no call sayin' that."

"Because I'm wrong or because you don't like hearin' me say it?"

He cast down his eyes. "I did feel that way at first, when I met-"

"Samantha," Lou spat.

"I shouldn't have said the things I said about us back then. I was angry and confused, I acted without thinkin'."

"And almost got yourself killed over a woman you hardly even knew, willin' to dual a man to defend her _honor_ ," she snorted.

"How do you...?" his heart missed a beat; of all the hurtful and mindless things he'd done in his life, this had to be the one he would regret most of all.

"Cody's voice caries further than he probably realizes."

He hung his head in shame. "You never let on you knew."

"I've got my pride, just like you got yours." she raised her chin defiantly.

Slowly nodding, Kid backed up a few paces and held up his hands. "For what it's worth, I truly am sorry for hurtin' you."

She moved closer to him, staring him straight in the eyes and defiantly raised one eyebrow. "There, was that what you wanted to hear?"

He swallowed hard and gave her a slow nod. "Yeah, it is."


	4. Chapter 4

Lou's heart hammered in her chest; this conversation had her boiling over with anger but she felt elated at the same time, finally getting to unleash everything she had locked up inside for so long. For a moment, they just stood there staring at each other, matching each other's quickened breaths.

The conversation had turned too serious too fast and Lou was not coping as well as she had thought in all this. She was barely prepared to let the Kid back into her heart – if he would still have her after this - let alone for her feelings on dredging up the past. Especially not when the Kid looked at her the way he did. He had misery written all over his face; his eyes turned dark, exposing how conflicted and tormented he must have felt. He couldn't appear more forlorn if he tried. ' _This is ridiculous,'_ she thought. 

Lou felt laughter bubble up at the notion and immediately clasped a hand over her mouth. "Hmphhnnnhh…" She snorted and felt her cheeks burn with misplaced amusement.

Kid's face hardened and she could not fault his reaction. It was Lou's turn to feel horrible; she knew she had upset him – with her words and now by laughing - but reckoned the comedy of their situation was not lost on him either.

"I'm so sorry," she said, still smiling and shaking her head. "I'm not laughing _at_ you, it's just… this… "

As she pointed a finger between them Kid chuckled uncertainly and shrugged, briefly looking sideways. She was glad he did, they both needed to regain some level of composure.

"I suppose it's better to laugh than to cry. It's good to see you smilin' after everything that's said." His voice sounded soft and fragile.

Lou involuntary took a step closer to him. While the Kid wore his heart on his sleeve most the time, he rarely showed the more vulnerable side of him. In that moment, he was more vulnerable than ever and it acted like a giant invisible magnet; pulling her towards him with a force she had no defenses for. The anger she felt earlier subsided completely and a familiar calm descended upon her. A feeling of intense comfort and safety, like in those few seconds before you drift off into a deep sleep. She tried to shake it off, needed her guard up. At least partly, until she knew where she stood with him.

"Well, that takes care of the first and third one on the list." She reached out and gently squeezed Kid's left upper arm with her right hand.

Lou let it linger for a moment longer than she intended and they locked eyes again. All the air seemed to have left the room and without thinking, she gently brushed her hand down his arm. His blue eyes mesmerized her all over again, only amplifying the magnetic pull toward him and Lou did nothing to fight the feeling. She felt herself giving in, completely. Whatever guard she had hoped to keep up, had crumbled to nothing and left her defenseless.

"Yeah…" Kid muttered absentmindedly yet fiercely held her gaze.

The space between them closed with every breath; Lou's hand had nearly brushed down far enough to reach his. When the fabric of his sleeve ended and she could feel the warmth of his skin meet the tips of her fingers, her breath faltered and her heart skipped a beat. She could feel Kid's hand turning into hers and gently touch the palm of her hand. The feeling was utterly exhilarating and Lou savored every second the moment lasted. It was clear the Kid was enjoying this as much as she was, if not more. His breathing had become more laborious and he started to close his eyes, their lips mere inches away from touching. As Lou's eyelids fluttered to a close, she heard Jimmy's booming voice come from what had to be right outside the bunkhouse door.

They both jumped out of their skin when that very door flew open and Jimmy came barging in, finishing a sentence directed at whoever must have been following not too far behind.

"…and that's final!" Jimmy decisively held his hands up as he walked in.

Jesse's high-pitched voice carried into the bunkhouse, but he did not come in after Jimmy. "I don't care what you think! I ain't doin' it!"

In a split reaction, Lou sat down at the table; her hands firmly pressed against her flushed cheeks, breathing erratically. She didn't have the courage to look at the Kid but she imagined he was in much a similar state. She blinked a few times, hard, and tried to steady her breathing. The intensity of what just transpired had her blood coursing through her veins and her skin still tingled from where his hand touched hers.

"That boy is gonn' get himself killed someday soon. By my hand that is, if he keeps this up." Jimmy stabbed a finger towards the door.

Still trying to wrap her head round everything Lou watched Jimmy place his belongings where he kept them safe in the bunkhouse before taking a seat opposite her at the table. He looked at her, and then looked at the Kid who still stood rooted to the floor where she left him before returning his gaze back to her.

"What's goin' on?" He cut straight to the point.

Lou took a moment before answering, not quite trusting her voice. "Nothin'. Kid and I were just talkin'."

Jimmy raised an eyebrow at her and then eyed the Kid with a look of suspicion. Lou realized she still had her hands pressed firmly against her cheeks, which probably gave away how tense the situation was he unsuspectingly walked in on. _'If only you knew,'_ she thought to herself. She gave him a sheepish grin and gently closed her eyes at him; it was her signature move to signal things were ok really.

Jimmy nodded and tapped the table surface with both hands. "Well, don't mind me; I just need long enough for Jesse to take his moanin' somewhere else." He chuckled.

The Kid gently cleared his throat and started for his coat and hat. "I think it's time I got to my chores."

She felt his eyes on her but Lou did not dare look up to meet them, not yet anyway. She moved her hands from her cheeks, folded them together in front of her mouth and took in a deep breath. The tension in the room was almost palpable, and she could see Jimmy had noticed it too. And by the furrow in his brow, she knew he jumped to the wrong conclusion, or was just about to.

"Now hang on a moment, don't leave on account of me." Jimmy held up one hand at Lou but directed the statement at the Kid.

"Jimmy, it's alright." Lou nodded at him.

"So, somethin' _is_ going on."

Lou heard the accusation in Jimmy's voice but was unsure at who it was directed to. Not that it mattered anyway; she needed Jimmy to back off before he blew things out of proportion. To her surprise, the Kid beat her to the punch.

"I asked Lou to help me with somethin' personal and it got us talkin' about the past."

Glancing over her shoulder Lou finally turned to look at the Kid; he had his back to her now and was busy pulling on his coat. His voice sounded calm, like he didn't have a care in the world and the dissipated anger from before reignited within her. How was it possible she practically came apart at the seams and he just acted as if nothing had happened! Maybe Kid welcomed Jimmy's interruption. Maybe it saved him from doing something he would later regret. Lou felt her stomach churn at the thought.

Jimmy scoffed in response and disapprovingly shook his head. "Two words in the same sentence that will always spell trouble; personal and past."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kid turned around and took a few steps closer towards the table.

"Just sayin' that some things are better left alone."

Kid rubbed his chin in irritation. Lou noticed his whole stance changed; his shoulders squared and his face clearly showed building frustration. It was a reaction she had seen very often when it came to Jimmy. Just as she was about to interject to diffuse the situation the Kid took a seat at the table next to her, placed an elbow on the surface and pointed a finger right at their longhaired friend.

"Is there somethin' in particular you're thinkin' of, Jimmy?"

Jimmy licked his lips and smiled, trying to hide his annoyance but failed miserably. The way his eyes bore into the Kid with a look only Jimmy could give him made it abundantly clear how he felt about the situation.

"What are you gettin' at, Kid."

Lou's eyes darted from Kid, to Jimmy back to the Kid. "Maybe it's time we all went about our chores."

Kid slightly titled his head. "No, I think I'll wait to hear what Jimmy has to say."

Hickock sat unmoving for a moment until he broke eye contact and made his way to gather some things from his bunk. His movements made it clear he was not going to hang round any longer than necessary.

"I don't know what it is you want, but I do know that I ain't getting' roped into whatever it is you're about to string me up for."

"Jimmy… " Lou cautioned, and threw Kid a knowing look.

"I mean it, Lou. Whatever is or ain't goin' on between you two, it's nothin' to do with me," Jimmy cursed under his breath and walked towards the door as he placed his hat on his head and swung his gun belt over his shoulder.

Lou felt torn. Part of her wanted Jimmy to leave so she could confront the Kid on what had happened; the intimate moment they shared, how blaze he appeared at being interrupted and to tell him off for going after Jimmy. Again. The other part wanted to leave with him so she could explain what had happened and maybe ask him for advice. Only the way things were now she didn't think he would be too keen to hear her out. Nor did she think the Kid would take too kindly on her sharing anything he probably told her in confidence.

"Look, Hickock…" Lou started, but he quickly brushed her off.

"It's fine, don't worry about nothin'," He forced a smile at her. "If Kid wants to call me out on somethin', he best man up and give to me straight. I ain't got time for childish games, that's what I came in here to avoid in the first place."

Jimmy reached for the door to leave the bunkhouse when Kid's voice cut through the air like a knife.

"I know you kissed her. When we were escorting Mills to the gallows."

Lou felt all the blood drain from her face and her eyes go wide like saucers. Jimmy stood nailed to the ground, his hand still holding onto the doorknob but not moving a muscle.

"Now where did you hear a thing like that?"

"Elias told me." Kid's voice sounded cold and distant. "When you and Lou went to check on the horses just before we rode out to Fort Kearney, he wondered out loud why you two let someone else stand in your way. Then just before we reached town he told me what happened between you two and only realized when he was done talkin' I was 'the someone else'."

Lou stifled a sob and hid her face in her hands in shame and humiliation. She could hear the Kid get up from his seat and make his way toward Jimmy. Looking through her fingers, she saw him shove their friend out of the way and disappeared out of the bunkhouse without another word.


	5. Chapter 5

**Authors note: I am working on this fic more than I am on anything else :D Thanks to everyone that has read it so far and for your encouraging words. I am osessed with getting this fic finished!

Kid sought refuge in the only place he could think of, the stables. His head physically hurt from all the thoughts, emotions and replays of what just happened flooding his mind. He pressed his forehead against a stable door to counter the pain but it was no use; his mind would not let up.

He banged the palms of his hands against the wood before gripping it until his knuckles went white. He inhaled and exhaled a few times, then turned around and slumped down to the floor. Kid pulled his up his knees, rested his elbows on them and held his head in defeat.

"What a mess." He lamented.

The Virginian felt his eyes prickle with tears and he clenched his jaw and fists tightly to steel himself. This constantly feeling vulnerable was too much to bear. He closed his eyes and saw his mother's face; he tried to imagine her smiling – even though it was hard to remember what she looked like after all this time. However, all he could conjure was a look of disappointment, one he knew he absolutely deserved.

 _"I would have expected this from your brother, not from you."_

 _"But mama…"_

 _His mother shushed him, gently grabbed him by the shoulders and sat him down next to her. She reached for a piece of paper and something to write with and began to scribble._

 _The Forgotten Path_

 _She then looked at him and gently caressed his cheek. "Therefore just as through one man, sin entered into the world and death through sin and so death spread to all men because all sinned."_

 _Kid looked expectantly at his mother, waiting for her to continue._

 _"You've heard this enough at church, you should know that means by now." His mother's face stern, but filled with encouragement._

 _He nodded in acknowledgement. No man was free from sin, it was foolish to think otherwise._

 _"I want you to know I understand why you did what you did. You wanted somethin' so badly, you didn't stop to think about others and knowingly hurt them to get what you wanted. That was very selfish of you."_

 _His palms started sweating and a painful lump had formed in the back of his throat as he listened to his mother's voice; her disappointment in him abundantly clear._

 _"God's path is one filled with obstacles, adversities and while it might not always clear where it leads, He always makes sure you have what you need to do what's right. To do what's proper and just. There is no acceptable excuse to do otherwise."_

 _He nodded again in agreement. God's path sure was a tough one to see; lucky for him his mother was always there to guide him when he needed it. She always knew *exactly* what to do or say and he often wondered if he would ever have as good a relationship with God as she did._

 _She believed with an unparalleled conviction, despite the many adversities God kept throwing at her throughout her life. His mother would still see God's glory, even after she was beat black and blue and couldn't sit upright for days._

 _"Now I know you ain't a little boy anymore," Her eyes briefly flashed a hint of sorrow." And Lord knows Jedidiah and your father don't show you what it's like to be a good, humble man." She flinched and gently rubbed her collarbone at the mention of his dad._

 _Kid clenched his teeth and felt the anger rise in his chest; he nearly lost her when she broke her collarbone. 'When he broke her collarbone' he reminded himself. Never had he seen anyone in so much pain, his mother's tormented screams were etched into his mind forever._

 _"I want you to know that love you very much," She gently placed a finger under his chin, nudged it slightly and smiled at him. "Unconditionally, completely and unreservedly, you hear me?"_

 _The determination in her words pulled him back from the painful memory and again let her know he heard her._

 _"Now then, I want you to find 6 ways God teaches humility in the bible. You'll write these down and follow them to the letter. He will get you to the top, when you humbly serve those above, below and around you. Don't forget, it is those that lack confidence and think lowly of themselves that act selfishly. They hurt others to make them feel better about themselves."_

 _Kid heard the front door open with a bang and his mother immediately sprang to action._

 _"Stay here," She whispered with great urgency. "Don't move, no matter what you see or hear!"_

 _His mother got up and hurriedly removed hairpins from her hair, straightened her skirt and took in a few panicked breaths._

 _"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" Kid whimpered, knowing his father must have caught wind of what he had done._

 _She gently framed his face with her hands and looked him in the eyes. "You do as you're told. Learn from God. Learn what it means to be humble and learn to think before you act. This, him, it ain't your fault, this…"_

 _His mother didn't get to finish the sentence, before Kid knew what happened she was pulled away from him and slammed into the nearest wall. His father towered over her limp body before looking over at him._

 _"I'll deal with you later." The man growled as he pulled his mother off the ground by her hair._

 _She yelped and Kid wished he would die, right there and then. Fear gripped him and kept him rooted to his seat, hyperventilating at the knowledge of what would inevitably come next._

 _His mother wheezed labored breaths as she desperately clawed at her assailant's hands. "Look away… look away, darlin'…"_

 _Unable to think for himself Kid turned around and a hot tear streamed down his face. He set out to find those 6 bible verses his mother tasked him with, incapable of doing anything else that mattered. By the time he had scribbled down the fifth his father finally sat down and poured himself a glass._

 _Kid stole a glance from the corner of his eye; his mother lay on the floor, bleeding from several deep cuts across her face. The left side of her features looked angry, painfully swollen and she was shaking like a leaf. He then noticed she had her hands folded neatly together; her lips were moving and he could hear her whisper his name a few times._

 _She was praying. Not for her, but for him._

Kid pushed away the rest of the memory; he never needed reminding of what happened after that. A life-altering decision changed his life forever and put him on the path that lead to where he was now.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaled exasperatedly through his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut. Clearly, absolutely nothing his mother tried to teach him had stuck with him; not only had he gotten Doritha killed because of his selfishness – to top it off he had alienated his best friend and kept on hurting the woman he loved more than anything in the world for that same reason.

He found himself wishing he could speak to his mother one last time and ask her what to do next. How to fix this, how to get his life back on track. All he knew it started with finding out for himself how God taught humility in the bible; problem was, Kid had no idea how to put that into practice. That's why he had asked Lou to help him out, also hoping it would help bring them back together.

Disgusted with his own admission about more selfish behavior he inadvertently opened the floodgates for more internal chastising; from the people he killed to the final inappropriately intimate step in his relationship with Lou. It all came crashing down like a ton of bricks.

Lost so deep in thought Kid didn't hear the stable door open or saw Lou and Jimmy walk in with determined strides.

"You got a lot of nerve!"

Lou's voice immediately brought him back to the present. He startled and scrambled to this feet, wiping his trousers clean and turned to face the angry duo.

"Lou…" Kid started but held back when she dug a finger in his chest.

Her eyes spat fire and looked up at his with such intensity it gave him goose bumps. She had only been this angry a handful of times and if history was any indication for the future this would not pan out well for him if he didn't watch it.

"Of all the times, why choose now to fess up you know about…, you heard that me an' him…," she scrunched her face in embarrassment and stabbed her finger repeatedly in his chest. "…that Jimmy kissed me!"

Jimmy grabbed Lou by the shoulder and quickly turned her round to face him. "Now hold on here, it weren't just me doin' the kissin'!"

"Don't matter who did what," Lou hissed and shrugged his arm off with a dirty look. "Point is it didn't mean anything. Right, Jimmy?" She enunciated the last two words deliberately as if to add weight.

Kid watched the exchange between the two and waited for his longhaired friend to respond. After a moment, Jimmy nodded and made a rolling movement with one hand for emphasis.

"Yeah, it meant nothin' and wasn't ever gonna happen again."

"And it hasn't." Lou looked down at the ground before meeting Kid's eyes again. The fire in her eyes still burned fiercely but she was no longer shooting daggers at him.

Kid shoved his hands in his pockets. "I never intended to tell either of you I knew. It was none of my business. Lou, you and I were broken up."

Jimmy raised an eyebrow. "So…?"

"So…," Kid shrugged. "It didn't matter, until it did."

"I don't understand." Hickock raised an eyebrow and made another rolling motion with his hand hinting for further clarification.

Kid paused. He started to feel very crowded and uncomfortable.

"Look, I said it didn't matter. Not then anyway." He made a swooping hand gesture.

Lou shook her head at him and Hickock looked genuinely confused.

"That don't make any sense and you know it. I knew how you felt, hell, probably still do feel about Lou and you're tryin' to tell say me kissin' her was just fine by you?!"

In a flash, Kid found himself nearly nose to nose with his fellow rider and grabbed him by his shirt.

"I never said I was _fine_ , I said it didn't matter." He seethed through gritted teeth. "Because when Elias went swingin' down that trap, it was _me_ she turned to for comfort!"


	6. Chapter 6

For a moment, both men stood frozen in their spot and Lou wished the earth would swallow her whole as she tried to process everything that just happened.

"Get your hands off me," Jimmy's voice was no more than a low rumble as he forcibly removed his fellow rider's hands from his shirt.

Kid's face had regret, anger and plain raw emotion written all over it and the rising tension was highly visible in his shoulders and set jaw. Jimmy looked annoyed more than anything; he must have known it didn't take much to set his sandy-haired friend off when it came to…well, anything. The Kid's emotions always bubbled just below the surface, ready to blow at any time given the right circumstances, Lou thought remorsefully.

"I'm gonn' let this slide, Kid." said Jimmy. He spoke slowly and deliberately as he straightened out his shirt. 'Because you're grievin' and such. Get at me like that again though, it'll be the last thing you'll ever do."

Kid swallowed hard, put his hands on his hips but nodded almost imperceptibly.

"Jimmy…" Lou gave him a pleading look and attempted to place a hand on his arm. She didn't get the chance.

Skilfully avoiding her touch, he nodded his head gently but rapidly, then sniffed loudly and ran the back of his hand across his mouth. "I didn't want to do this. I still don't want to do this but you both leave me no choice."

"What are you talking about?"

Jimmy scoffed and gnawed his lower lip. "It did mean somethin'. That kiss, it meant somethin'. To me." He directed his gaze to the Kid. "If I could go back in time I would do it again."

Lou couldn't believe her ears and instinctively took a step back. Kid stood frozen in his spot, worry creasing his forehead, with white-knuckled fists and eyes flicking nervously back and forth between Jimmy and herself.

The silence that followed did nothing but feed the building tension, but Jimmy took the time he clearly needed to gather his thoughts on what he was going to say next. Lou had a sinking feeling she was not going to like where this was headed.

Briefly meeting her eyes before turning his back at them Jimmy fingered a dent in the wooden stall door, clearly in need of a distraction as he poked it repeatedly with his right thumb.

He then cleared his throat, before turning to face her again. "Things were brewin' for a while, weren't they? I thought I was imagining things until there'd be something you said or did that made me wonder if…, if there was a chance."

"Things were… we're friends, Jimmy. "Lou struggled to make sense of her own thoughts and this new information.

"Yeah, we're friends. But not like you're friends with Buck. Or Cody. Or Noah."

Lou unconsciously wrapped her arms around her body as she felt her heart hammering in her chest and blood rushing to her cheeks. She swallowed several times and feverishly sought of an adequate response that would suffice but kept coming up short. Every fibre of her being wanted to come up with a retort, to rebuke what had just been said. But her mind jumbled with emotions, memories, hopes and dreams making it impossible to form a coherent thought. Let alone a sentence.

"But you and I ain't quite friends like you and the Kid are neither." He continued and raised an eyebrow for emphasis.

"That's enough, Jimmy." Kid demanded.

The demand fell on deaf ears. "You let the cat out of the bag, Kid. I say we clear this up, right here and right now."

"I ain't doin' this with you." Kid spat and motioned a final gesture.

"Why, because y…" He didn't get to finish the sentence, a fist hit him square in the jaw that sent Jimmy sailing for the dirty floor with a loud thud.

The clobber must have been a good one, as Jimmy hissed and stayed down whilst gently fingering his jaw to assess the damage done.

"Kid!" Lou exclaimed, part shock and part disapproval, before kneeling down beside Jimmy to check if he was alright.

He spat and while there was a little blood he was able to smile and shake his head. Lou then looked up at the Kid; he looked like nothing she had ever seen before. He was visibly shaking with rage, if he hadn't already boiled over he was moments away from properly losing it. Or so she thought.

"Acknowledge your sin to others." Kid breathed and briefly closed his eyes. "I was, I am.. jealous… of you and Lou."

Jimmy scoffed and immediately winced. "You don't say."

Before Kid could continue, Jesse stuck his head in the barn and called out for Jimmy. When he saw him on the floor and Lou crouched down beside him he came running with an alarmed look on his face.

"What happened? You two get in another fist fight?!" He exclaimed, leaving no doubt who he referred to.

"Shush now," Lou admonished and shooed him away. "Ain't nothing goin' on that concerns you.". She got up and tried to usher him out the barn.

"Rachel asked for you, Jimmy. She's needin' that order picked up at Tomkins' but won't let me go by myself. I told her I don't need no help… but per usual, no one listens to what I have to say…" Jesse rambled, dodging Lou's attempts to corral him towards the door.

Jimmy finally got up and dusted himself off. "I'll be there in a minute." He winced again.

"That's gotta smart." Jesse scrunched his nose at Jimmy. "Rachel ain't gonna like your swollen face… what'r you gonna say happened?"

The long-haired rider groaned. "Will you stop talking, please?"

"I'll go."

Lou's heart sank. Of course the Kid would. Even though it was hard to deal with all these revelations and the feelings that come with them she felt oddly relieved. As if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. But now all this was about to be cut short, and who knew when they would have the chance again to be as open and honest with each other again?

As it turned out, she was not alone in this as Jimmy shook his head followed shoving Jesse towards the door. "Start movin'. I'll catch up." He then turned to face the Kid. "Just so we're clear. I'm looking _very_ much forward to what else you've got to say."


End file.
